The Benefits of Trench Warfare

But like non-violence, not for real for real

(Disclaimer: This is important for people interested in communicating in public with other human beings - i.e. writing a newsletter, sharing opinions on social media, etc.)

Traditionally, I get my best thoughts in the shower or while I’m cycling. I’ve just reached a new unlock for learning and brainstorming - coaching sessions. Education is a two-way street. You can 1) be the educator, or 2) be the recipient of the education. But that two-way part is real. Working with others adds data points and forms new neural pathways for personal discovery in your own practice. That isn’t what this piece of writing is about, but it’s still worth a share.

You can either come from on high, or stand shoulder to shoulder.

In my own small world of being a public figure, I have gone through real, heavy moments of stress. Part of that is because I try tackling complex issues with 15-second IG story posts. Anyway, it doesn’t matter how big your wold is if it comes crashing down. Magnitude is important but the void an implosion creates is devastating nonetheless.

In some recent coaching sessions, I encountered some concerns around fear. Fear is real AF. We all have it for one reason or another. Biologically, it’s important for survival - red alerts for impending danger and doom. As a somewhat civilized society (America) with less natural physical threats than the wild, that fear migrates to our emotional safety as well. And, rightfully so.

Let’s try to isolate the fears to a small subset of possible parameters:

• What I say or do will cause people to be disappointed or rebuke me.

• What I say or do will be taken out of context or be mischaracterized with my original intention.

• What I say or do will lead to some form of disagreement that will effect my own self-image and/or motivation to proceed.

These parameters are cut from similar cloth. What they have in common is an output that causes a net negative response from another human being and returns to the host to wreak emotional damage. There is absolutely nothing I can say that will ever make someone okay with detractors or negative comments. You probably already know some of the best ways to stave these things off:

• Have a good well-being practice in place (i.e. mindfulness, therapy, work-life balance).

• Be okay with disconnecting from validation machines (i.e. sign out of social media, ignore comments etc).

• Build up your mental toughness/fortitude (see first bullet).

• Develop a better filter for receiving constructive feedback and ignoring trolling or other less helpful sources of criticism.

What I can do is offer you something of a confidence builder for going into battle, knowing realistically that all forms of shielding and armor will fail at some point: Resist all temptations of communicating from a pedestal; and constantly remind yourself to stay grounded. Let’s quickly break down each component.

Resist all temptations of communicating from a pedestal.

Whether you’re just starting out or not, as a communicator there is an upward drag (partially because of ego) to come from a place of authority. It’s not always avoidable either. The 80/20 rule is probably appropriate here. Sometimes you will be the subject matter expert, full stop, and that’s the 20% of time that you should come from a place of authority. But, realize you don’t have to be on a soapbox or pedestal to communicate authority effectively. Other times, you’re probably just sharing an opinion or a belief. If that’s your product, stand shoulder-to-shoulder with your audience. Be clear, be honest, be transparent - come from a place of humility because it’s still a place of strength.

Constantly remind yourself to stay grounded.

Even with the best intentions or right approach to outward communication, we have our own internal narrative playing. The internal narrative can be stubborn as hell, and likes to be defended (again, hello ego). The important part of grounding is reminding yourself you can be wrong and being open to not only receiving critique but acting on it. This is what separates the realest from the folks we get tired of seeing have their careers implode for one reason or another on television and in clickbait headlines. Being wrong isn’t the end of the world, it’s what you do with it that matters.

Which brings me to the end - this is all about trench warfare in a sense. If you’re in the trenches with your fellow man or woman, your incentives are fairly aligned - “We all want to get out of here alive.” That doesn’t mean that soldiers always agree with each other about everything. I don’t think that world exists in any analogy. What it does mean is that the likelihood of someone coming at you sideways or inappropriately is drastically reduced. (Side note: At a certain height of public popularity or celebrity, maybe this gets undone but I have zero way to test it because I’m not famous. And there are even less examples of anybody trying it this way the bigger they get, so jury is still out.)

Knowing that fear is here to stay, try to channel this energy and confront the next project, task, or public share with the humility that your audience will stick with you if you stick by them.

Have a great weekend!