I set up a community hotline to give free advice to people. I’m getting personal stories and situations full of challenges and obstacles. I love supporting others, so there’s a genuine reward for being at the other end of the line.
The other major benefit is that I get to learn as well. People ask me questions that I’m not always expecting - either I won’t know the answer immediately or I have to dig in the recesses of my brain. One thing I’ve learned from exposure to a barrage of questions is that a lot of people ask the wrong question first. And I’m not just coming from on high - I’m guilty of this myself.
Bad first questions typically come packaged with a story:
I’ve been doing X thing for Y amount of time, and I feel like clients don’t book with me because of Z, even though I’m just as good a person A.
Don’t worry, no algebra required. This is followed with the question, “Any ideas on how I can book more jobs.” Insert your own example; I’m just using an easy one.
Providing a story before a question is sometimes necessary for context, but many times it’s a Trojan horse for ego.
It’s got this uncanny way of setting you up to ask a question that provides an answer which conforms to your belief of the problem. In short, you’ve already boxed in the possible outcomes without giving yourself the space to be wrong about your insights and assumptions.
A personal belief, but when ego is involved it has an amazing way of clouding our ability to think about all the angles. The angles are the places that are hard to get, but are absolutely necessary in order to clarify our problems and forge a path forward.
How do we defeat such a natural way of being? Well here are a couple tips:
Slow the F down. Instinct is great for a lot of things but it’s not always the best for complex problems especially when it’s working all by itself.
Assume you’re wrong. Starting from the place of “I don’t know what I’m talking about” is a great way to deflate the ego so you can go right into the deeper thinking.
Write it down. It’s funny that when we are triggered, we rush for direct feedback or a quick solution. But some of us will type, erase, and type again a text message we’re sending to a friend or loved one before pressing send. We need a little more of the reconsideration behavior in complex situations, not just in dating.
Focus energy on a desired outcome. You’re going to exert a lot of energy if you get wrapped up in the story portion of the show. Instead reflect on what you want, and work backwards - skip the story unless there’s helpful context.
Ask and answer your own questions as practice. If we practice questions like we study for a test or an important pitch meeting, then we’ll uncover flaws in our assumptions and gaps in our knowledge base. We spend a lot of time memorizing material and rewinding stories, but no time questioning ourselves. Expertise starts with an accumulation of knowledge, and is cemented by defending the comprehension of that knowledge.
That’s it for today. Would love to know if you find this to be true of your own process. Do you feel like you can improve on your questioning skills - either when seeking advice or gathering feedback for a business idea, etc.?